There’s really no good way to back out of a wedding at the last minute. So we’re just gonna tell you how to do it without losing your life.

Step 1: Call the officiant

Call whoever is performing the ceremony and ask that person to deliver the bad news. If ever there was a “kill the messenger” moment, this is it, so why put your BFF in danger?

Step 2: Clear out your stuff

While your ex and 200 of your loved ones are mulling their options at the wedding chapel, remove any possessions from the home you share—or had planned to.

Step 3: Forfeit the honeymoon

If you’re the one hanging on to the honeymoon tickets, for the love of God, overnight them to your ex so he or she can down fruity umbrella drinks and work on a tan while grieving.

Step 4: Disconnect your phones

Disconnect your phones to drive home the point that your decision is non-negotiable. Or leave a message to the effect of “please do not contact me again.”

Step 5: Send a letter

Send a letter detailing exactly why you cancelled the wedding—even if the reason is really hurtful, like you met someone else. The truth will be easier for your ex to deal with than never knowing why you bailed.

Step 6: Return the gifts

Take charge of returning the gifts. Someone in pain shouldn’t have to deal with bubble wrap.

Step 7: Get out of Dodge

Get out of Dodge until things cool down, especially if your betrothed knows someone who is capable of inflicting bodily harm.