Choosing a college is like picking an ice cream flavor. There are too many choices, and you’re not sure what they’ll really taste like.

Now imagine ice cream costs tens of thousands of dollars, and some flavors won’t let you eat them.

That’s choos

Step 1: Visit guidance counselor

Have a talk with your guidance counselor. She’s seen it all—and will be able to offer suggestions based on your grades and interests.

Step 2: Ignore parents

If you have overbearing parents, ignore them. It’s time to start making choices for yourself. If they refuse to give you some leeway, threaten to get your face tattooed.

Step 3: Consider your ideal home

Think about where you’d like to live. If you like to spend your leisure time playing craps, make a list of colleges near casinos. If you eventually want to freelance as a pirate on the open seas, Southeast Asia is the place for you.

Step 4: Decide school size

Decide whether you prefer a small, medium, or large school.

Step 5: Favor variety

Favor schools that offer a variety of programs you like. Your interests will probably change. You don’t want to make it to your junior year in astronaut school and realize you don’t enjoy spaceflight.

Step 6: Visit schools

Visit the schools you’re considering.

Step 7: Think how you fit in

Now consider how your academic record fits in with the schools you like. Look up the average academic statistics for entering freshmen, and compare them to your own.

Step 8: Categorize your choices

Divide your list into three groups of schools: reach schools, good fits, and safety schools.

Step 9: Apply to a spectrum

Now apply to six to ten schools, with good fits, safeties, and reaches in a 2 to 1 to 1 ratio—that’s one reach and one safety school for every two “good fits” you apply to.

That’s it—once your applications are out the door, drop out of high school and play craps until the schools come a-calling.