How To Survive a Bear Attack
- December 16, 2008
- 111,279 Views
Writer
Rosemarie_Lennon
Music
Andy Gabrys
Voice Over Artist
Peter Coleman
So you’ve finally escaped to the great outdoors. Good for you. But watch out for bears, or you may need to escape from the great outdoors.
You Will Need
- A cool head
- Acting skills
- A change of underwear
- A killer right hook
- A loyal pet, large enough to eat a bear
Step 1: Reverse direction
If you’ve already had your head ripped off during a bear encounter, we probably can’t help you.
However, if the bear has not yet ripped off your head because you saw him first, off in the distance, you should slowly and quietly begin walking in the opposite direction until he’s out of sight.
Then calmly stay put for about a half hour.
While you’re waiting, sing, talk, or make some noise. Also, now is not the time for a smelly, bear-enticing snack!
Step 2: Walk noisily
With the coast clear, resume your walk. But make noise so the bear knows you’re around. The truth is, that bear doesn’t want to run into you, either.
Step 3: Avoid eye contact
Uh, oh. Despite your best efforts, Smokey The Bear’s evil twin is suddenly standing in front of you, calmly considering his options. First off, do not make eye contact. The bear will take it as a direct challenge to his authority, and he will rip your head off.
Step 4: Slowly back away
Back away slowly while speaking in a soft voice.
Right about now would be a good time to make a deal with God.
Step 5: Don’t flee
Holy crap, the bear is charging. Do not run! He will chase you down and rip your head off.
Instead, stand perfectly still. If he stops his charge, slowly back away again, speaking softly.
Step 6: Play dead
If the bear attacks, protect your head with your arms, curl up in a fetal position, and pretend you’re dead. Or try hitting him directly in the nose. Some experts think a quick punch works better than submissiveness.
Step 7: Have pepper spray next time
Next time, don’t go into the woods without bear repellent pepper spray. Just be sure to familiarize yourself with its proper use.
You are more likely to be struck by lightning than mauled by a bear.
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Comments (47)
That is hilarious! Soo creative!
over 3 years ago by Stephanie_Rudat
that bear's got some moves
over 3 years ago by mmf23
Wow. Great. Spot.
over 3 years ago by fembot3000
Toooooo funny! Definitely worth a tweet.
3 months ago by tartesso
Yikes! Don't lose your head!! Great work!!!
over 3 years ago by Mani_Boniek
they never mentioned why you need a change of underwear
maybe because you would have pooped your pants
over 2 years ago by cooolie
this is amazing!! i laughed so much.
over 3 years ago by mark_fain
I want that pet. ";Large enough to eat a bear";
over 3 years ago by Ken_Sokolowski
Awesome! Greatly scripted and produced!
over 2 years ago by bhatnaturally
Great video! Loved it! It's funny and express the truth! =D
over 3 years ago by Rayburn
lucky we don't have so much bears here in switzerland
over 3 years ago by Oliver_Schibli
Has to be one of my favorite videos! Loved it.
over 3 years ago by tessa
What an awesome video.
over 3 years ago by sanjay
Funniest video here!
Visit my youtube channel - wtfInternet. :O
over 2 years ago by wtfInternet
greatest video ever on howcast
over 2 years ago by faugna
Wow if only Timothy Tredwell had viewed this prior...
over 2 years ago by deckard1
Great video. Very creative and funny.
over 2 years ago by kpfingaz
OMG This is GREAT! LOL
over 2 years ago by fabiomorii
wonderful!!!!!!!!! i even take it as a teaching material in my English class. all the students like it very much , it makes them laugh a lot .
over 2 years ago by lara
It is so funny and humorous , I love it so much ,thanks to the producer,I hope that I can see more!!!!!!!
over 2 years ago by lara
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