How To Micromanage Like a Real Ass****

Note what time your staff comes into the office and how long they take for lunch. If possible, monitor time spent on personal calls and chatting with coworkers. Document this information for future use.

Assign a task, spelling out in painful detail how it should be done. Remember, nothing is too obvious to explain.

Ten minutes later, go over to monitor how much progress has been made and make certain everyone is following your directions to a T.

If an employee suggests approaching the task another way, shut him down quickly and forcefully.

Schedule frequent progress meetings throughout the day.

While carefully reviewing someone’s work, be sure to find at least one error so you can return the submission. Check the font, line spacing, margins—all the minutia. Indicate any errors in bold red pen.

Tell the employee how to correct each mistake, taking more time to explain than it would to simply do it.