How To Fake Being Sober

  • February 9, 2008
  • 30,400 Views
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If “sloppy” and “drunk” are often used in the same sentence to describe you, you might want to soak in some of these suggestions.

You Will Need

  • Acting skills
  • Some vitamin C
  • Eye drops
  • A little face powder
  • Some strong-smelling food

Never drink and drive.

How To Fake Being Sober: Pop a Vitamin C

Step 1: Pop a Vitamin C

Pop a Vitamin C. Studies have reported that a large dose of Vitamin C will prevent drunken behavior.

How To Fake Being Sober: Walk a straight line

Step 2: Walk a straight line

Announce to whoever’s around: “I’m as sober as a Deacon and I can prove it!” Then walk a straight line. The keys are to focus on a point on the ground 10 feet in front of you and don’t look down at your feet and the line.

If a police officer asks you to follow his finger with your eyes, mention that you’ve had a lot of coffee. Caffeine causes the same involuntary jerking of the eyeball that alcohol does.

How To Fake Being Sober: Eat something overpowering

Step 3: Eat something overpowering

Forget the mints: Eat something overpowering enough to cover up liquor breath, like garlic.

How To Fake Being Sober: Put in eye drops

Step 4: Put in eye drops

Put in some eye drops.

How To Fake Being Sober: Lower voice

Step 5: Lower voice

Lower your voice; drunks tend to get loud. Better still, try not to talk at all.

How To Fake Being Sober: Powder face

Step 6: Powder face

Powder your face—borrow a compact if you have to—to get rid of any telltale redness.

Research has shown that college students spend more money on booze than they do on tea, coffee, milk, juice, soft drinks, and books combined.

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Comments (9)

nickmather

Very well done, good shots

over 4 years ago by nickmather

Reply
Ustabin

GO KIDS WHO SPEND MORE ON BOOZE. ....wait, did he just eye drop his tongue?

over 3 years ago by Ustabin

Reply
Inlightent

I don't think placing Eye drops on your tongue is good for you my friend remember Wedding Crashers? the guy was on a toilet after Owen Wilson pour Eye Drops in his drink

over 3 years ago by Inlightent

Reply
kimmywong

what about pepcid ac to combat redness?

over 3 years ago by kimmywong

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rsgill

lol

over 2 years ago by rsgill

Reply
eleanor

i really love how you had a mouth gag just lying around. kinky.

about 1 year ago by eleanor

Reply
margejaimles

lol

about 1 year ago by margejaimles

Reply
93LilJoker

Thanks hey you should make one on how to sober up quick.

about 1 year ago by 93LilJoker

Reply
Inlightent

I'm not sure but I think it would be bad to put eye drops on you're eyes

over 3 years ago by Inlightent

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