How to Have Sex in the Office and Not Get Caught

Whatever your reason for getting it on in the workplace – and, trust us, we don't want to know – make sure it stays between you and your amour.

You will need

  • Easy-to-remove clothes
  • A comfortable spot
  • Wet wipes

Step 1 Check for security cameras Make sure you know the location of all office security cameras so your little romp isn’t caught on tape. Surveillance equipment is typically placed near entry and exit points and in rooms than contain merchandise or other valuables. But employers have been known to put cameras in employees’ private offices.

Step 2 Dress for sex-cess Dress for sex-cess, meaning clothes that go on and off quickly and don’t wrinkle easily. Going commando saves a lot of time.

Step 3 Look for privacy Choose an out-of-the way location that doesn’t get much foot traffic. A closet with a locked door is an excellent option.

Step 4 Fake a meeting If one of you has an office, record yourselves having a fake conference call, then play the recording from behind closed doors; sounds of an important meeting will make co-workers think twice before barging in.

Step 5 Clean up Don’t return to your desk without freshening up. Be sure to check your clothes for dead giveaways like inside-out blouses and missed buttons.

Step 6 Do it late at night Play it safe by waiting until everyone leaves work for the night. Just make sure you know the cleaning staff’s routine and schedule before you pick a time and place or you’ll experience a whole different kind of coitus interruptus.

Step 7 Keep your lips zipped If you are caught, say a simple “I’m sorry,” and get back to work. Attempting to explain or justify can only make matters worse.

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