How To Become a Superdelegate

Get exposed to radiation. Keep an eye out for funky-looking spiders, glowing green canisters, cosmic rays, nuclear blasts, and wobbly shelves full of unstable chemicals. These would all kill most people, but for you, they’re a one-way ticket to the national convention.

Sell your inventions, be born into royalty, or just inherit a ton of dough. But don’t spend any of it on therapy! Whether its schizophrenia, OCD, or plain old alcoholism, a billionaire with a personality disorder is bound to become a political heavyweight.

See if you can get in on a top-secret government experiment, either as an unwitting victim or a patriotic volunteer. Use your special situation for political leverage.

Communicate with fish. Actually, this one might earn you more ridicule than praise. Let’s move on.

Some lucky would-be superdelegates are simply born with a mutant ability to win friends and influence people. Look for super political powers to manifest probably around the onset of puberty.

Ok, ok, you want to become a real superdelegate — someone who’s free to vote for whichever candidate they want at their party’s convention? Good luck. Each party has its own rules, but superdelegates are generally past or present party leaders, governors, senators, representatives, or members of the party’s national committee.