How to Become an Ultimate Fighter

Tired of being picked on each time you walk through the sales department? Humiliated every time Eddie in accounting steals your PDA? Maybe it’s time you transformed your geeky little IT ass into … an ultimate fighter!

You will need

  • Mixed martial arts training
  • Blind courage
  • A sports nutritionist
  • A sturdy pair of gym shorts
  • The inability to feel pain

Step 1 Become an expert at boxing, Brazilian jujitsu, wrestling, and Muay Thai kickboxing. These are the four fighting techniques primarily used by ultimate fighters, though some may incorporate even more.

Step 2 Train, train, train. Most ultimate fighters need to train a minimum of three hours a day five to six days a week. Professional fighters train up to seven hours a day doing weights, cardio, sparring, and more.

Step 3 Know the rules before you begin to fight, especially what moves are illegal. While this may vary depending on where you fight, some moves are universally banned like biting, groin attacks, eye-gouging, hair-pulling, fish-hooking, and small joint manipulation.

Step 4 Train, train, train some more.

Step 5 Find an ultimate fighting buddy—somebody around your size with whom you can spar and who is as obsessed with mixed martial arts as you are.

Step 6 Watch your diet, since you’ll need to become a lean, mean fighting machine. Donuts and Dr. Pepper are not the standard breakfast of an ultimate fighter. Have a sports nutritionist outline a healthy diet tailored to your needs.

Step 7 Join a reputable mixed martial arts organization, and start to practice your skills fighting other people at your level.

Step 8 Once you’ve won some matches, find some people to fight outside your gym, either amateurs or professionals. This will challenge your skill and keep you from getting stale from fighting the same old people.

Step 9 If you’re good enough in these outside fights, and prove to be an exciting fighter, a manager or promoter might notice you and invite you to compete in a sanctioned event. Then maybe—just maybe—you’ll get to fight on the highest levels of ultimate fighting. One thing’s for sure, Big Eddie in accounting isn’t going to give you any more trouble.