How to Survive a Bad Table at a Wedding

Your nearest and dearest are enjoying newly-wedded bliss, and you're suffering at a table of freaks. It's time to call on your social survival skills.

You will need

  • A sense of humor
  • A good attitude
  • Booze

Step 1 Smile Smile. Your newly married pals thoughtfully seated you at a table of mutants, but if you’re smiling, no one can tell that you’re fantasizing about your sweet, sweet revenge.

Step 2 Adopt a new persona Embrace your theatrical side. If you’ve ever wanted to try out that Australian accent, or fake a career in the music industry, or change your name to “Viper,” now’s the time.

Step 3 Mingle There’s nothing wrong with a little table-hopping. Visit your friends across the dance floor frequently, and keep them updated with the best instances of weirdness from your table.

Step 4 Get tipsy If you’re over 21, a well-timed cocktail may put you in a better mood. If nothing else, it’ll give you an excuse to escape your table, visit the bar, and meet that cute bartender.

Step 5 Forget English The guy sitting next to you has been talking your ear off since the best man’s toast. Make it clear that you don’t speak his language.

Step 6 Fake a believable illness Are you mildly allergic to the cake? Does restless leg syndrome force you to keep moving? Pick an ailment, and stick with it.