How To Turn Down a Date Gently

Say, “I’m involved.” This is one of the most common little white lies — it’s simple in theory, easy to execute, and makes everyone feel good about themselves.

Tell the person, “I just got out of a serious relationship and I’m not ready to date.” It’s important you include that last part; otherwise you leave yourself open to the “I don’t want anything serious either” argument.

Say, “I bat for the other team.” But before you do, take a moment to consider if you really want to go there.

Plead insanity. Here, you have lots of options — you could talk about the CIA agents who are following you, dip in and out of the seven personalities you claim are living in your body, or wax poetic about your conversations with deceased historical figures.

Pull out all the stops — inform this person that you are over 40, live with your parents, and are unemployed. This is the trifecta of turnoffs — you’ve pulled the age card, the pathetic card, and the broke card. If they stick around, they’re either hopelessly in love or hopelessly horny.