How To Bounce a Drunk

Issue a warning. Tell the problem drunk that if the bad behavior continues, he will have to leave.

Cut him off. If he can’t get more booze, he’s apt to leave on his own.

Calmly explain it’s in the person’s best interest to go home—he won’t embarrass himself, have a hangover, piss off his girlfriend. The best bouncers aren’t brutes—they’re good talkers.

Borrow this old bouncer trick known as “turning up the fuzz.” Turn the static on the stereo way up, and the music way down. He’ll be so uncomfortable he’ll want to leave—and everyone else will want him to, too.

Use the professional bouncer’s favorite parting line: “You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.”

Time for drastic measures. Take his or her coat and belongings and place them outside the door.

Don’t be afraid to call the police. The last thing you need is an angry drunk waiting for you outside!