How to Heal Your Relationship after Your Partner Cheats

Discovering your partner's affair can be devastating, but it doesn't have to mean the end of the relationship.

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Improve your relationship by learning how to be your own marital therapist; it's all in this Howcast video series.

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Steps

Step 1

Get it all out

Tell your partner how hurt and angry you are about the affair, and discuss how and why it happened. Research suggests that the more couples talk about an affair and its repercussions, the better their chances are of getting past it.
Don't waste energy arguing about who's to blame for the affair. Instead, focus on figuring out, together, why it happened.
Step 2

Don't do anything rash

Don't do anything rash, like file for divorce. You may feel very differently when the shock wears off.
Step 3

Consider counseling

Consider couples counseling to help you both sort through your problems and feelings.
If your partner refuses your request to get counseling, that could be a sign that they're not committed to repairing the relationship.
Step 4

Ask for their help

Ask your partner to help you trust them again by sticking close by for a while, calling frequently, and keeping you in the loop as to their whereabouts. They should be very willing to be open and honest about how they're spending their time.
Step 5

Forgive them

Over time, as they begin to regain your trust, forgive them – and don't throw the affair in their face every time you argue. It's the only way you both will be able to put the affair behind you.
Seventy percent of Chinese surveyed believe monogamy is the natural state for human beings, compared with 57 percent of Americans, and 44 percent of the French.