How to Run Off Carolers

If Christmas carolers set your teeth on edge, here are some foolproof ways to get rid of them.


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You Will Need

  • Carolers to run off
  • A messy lawn
  • A quarantine sign
  • Anti-Santa propaganda
  • Rap music


  1. Step 1

    Make your place unwelcoming

    Make your property as unwelcoming as possible. Consider putting a junked car on the lawn alongside a stained mattress (think of them as your special holiday decorations). If you’re lucky enough to have snow, don’t shovel the walkway.

  2. A rubber rat on top of an overflowing garbage can is a nice touch. No one will get close enough to see it’s fake.

  3. Step 2

    Hang quarantine sign

    Place this sign on your door: 'Premises under quarantine due to Flesh Eating Virus, which is HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS. If you can read this message, you are already at risk.'

  4. Step 3

    Make noises

    If they are undaunted by your sign, make loud noises that suggest various 'unnatural' acts and/or horrific bodily functions. Perhaps this will dampen their holiday spirits.

  5. Step 4

    Display Santa hatred

    Display a large poster of Santa Claus with a black slash through it, or hang a dartboard with a photo of good ole St. Nick with several strategically placed darts.

  6. Step 5

    Blast rap music

    Counter their jolly 'ho, ho, ho’s' with some ho’s of your own--the kind referred to in many rap lyrics. Play at top volume.

  7. Step 6

    Ask for money

    Today it is a common practice for carolers to combine caroling with charity fundraising. Turn the tables and solicit donations for your own worthy cause--like a much-needed trip to Hawaii.

  8. An Austrian union representing 100,000 retail workers said in 2003 that the incessant playing of Christmas carols was tantamount to "psychological terror.'