How To Tell Your Parents You're Flunking Out
- December 18, 2007
- 798 Views
You might want to invest in a bulletproof vest, just in case.
You Will Need
- Time to research your speech
- Good sales skills
- And fast legs, just in case
- A third party to deter parental acting out
Step 1: Prepare them
Prepare them for the news by hinting that an earth-shattering tragedy has befallen you. Encourage them to think along the lines of incurable diseases.
Make sure they hear the news from you—not the dean of students.
Step 2: Reframe events
Reframe recent events in such a way that it seems that the college is failing you rather than the other way around.
Step 3: Give perspective
Scour news sources for a world disaster of epic proportions. Remind your parents of the importance of perspective—your failing grades are but an insignificant blip compared with people dying or losing everything as a result of the catastrophe.
Step 4: Give statistics
If the situation is really dire—you’re in danger of being kicked out—tell them that the Foundation of Economic Trends recently concluded that more than 35% of college graduates take jobs that do not require college degrees.
Leo Tolstoy, author of War and Peace, flunked out of college.
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