How To Tell Your Kids You’re Getting Divorced

Tell the children on a day when you and your spouse can break the news together. And be sure to stick around to provide reassurance and answer questions.

Tell the kids that the divorce is not their fault. No doubt you’ve heard this advice before, but it’s something you can’t emphasize enough.

Don’t assign blame. Even if one of you is moving out to be with someone else, avoid explicit, accusatory explanations – even if staying quiet requires drawing blood from your own tongue.

Reassure your children that they will continue to be loved and cared for. If possible, explain any custody details you’ve worked out so you immediately can put to rest their concerns about where they are going to live and whether or not they’ll have to change schools.

Assuming it’s true, emphasize that they will still see plenty of the parent who is not going to be their primary custodian. If you are sharing custody with your spouse, explain to your children how that arrangement will work. Assure them they will still see their grandparents and all their other relatives, too.

Be reassuring, but don’t sugarcoat the news too much. Admit that this is going to be a sad time for everyone; just be sure to emphasize that everything is going to work out.

Don’t be surprised if the children get angry and blame you for the divorce. It’s perfectly natural, but it will subside as long as you stay honest with your children and continue to communicate with them.