How To Talk Your Way Out Of a Speeding Ticket
- March 5, 2008
- 24,386 Views
Writer
BScott
Voice-Over Artist
Peter Coleman
Music (honky tonk track & funky outro)
Edison Music Corp
Music (electro track in middle)
Todd Mazierski
Needless to say, we’re talking minor traffic violations. If you’ve just led the cops on a high-speed chase down the freeway, you’re on your own.
You Will Need
- Chutzpah
- Acting Ability
- Shamelessness
Step 1: Pick your nose
Casually start picking your nose as the officer approaches. He’s apt to let you go with a warning so he won’t have to touch anything of yours.
Step 2: Start crying
Turn on the waterworks—the louder and more inconsolable sounding, the better. A crying woman makes people uncomfortable enough—imagine how unnerved the officer will be by a blubbering man.
Step 3: Pretend someone's pregnant
Play the pregnancy card—if you’re a woman, blame it on the hormones (assuming your sleek, rock-hard abs won’t betray you). Guys, say you need to get to your in-labor wife. What cop would stop you?
If asked, “Do you know why I stopped you?”—for goodness’ sake, act dumb. True, ignorance is no excuse under the law, but willful disobedience is even worse.
Step 4: Play the victim
Affect an air of vulnerability and victimhood. End each sentence with “sir” or “officer.” Mumble something about your dad’s bad temper and hint that this will no doubt incite your second beating this week.
Step 5: Begin blabbering
If all else fails, begin blabbering—as much and as fast as you can. Pretend you’re a professional auctioneer. This has the dual effect of scaring the officer away and tiring him out as he tries to follow along.
The first speeding ticket was issued in Ottawa in 1910 to the Prime Minister of Canada’s wife—for going faster than 10 miles per hour.
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Comments (17)
My strategy is having a hot chick do all the talking.
over 3 years ago by norgon
Obviously this wasn't written by someone who has ever got a speeding ticket and gotten out of it. It's really up to the cop. However, that question they always ask you ";Do you know how fast you were going."; I just say ";The speed limit."; ... playing dumb ensures you get a speeding ticket. You should always know what the speed limit is.
over 2 years ago by nathan
tell the cop that you just got new tires that are larger than factory, this effects the speedometer, this work very well if you are in a truck in texas
over 3 years ago by lcanine19
You forgot one thing. My favorite stragey is to confuse the cop. Once when I was pulled over the cop asked me where I had been that night and I started to call the places by the names that they were about twenty years ago when I was a kid. The officer was so confuse as to what city I was in that he let me off with a warning.
over 3 years ago by writerchick
Haha. I never reveal my sources.
over 3 years ago by norgon
I think it depends on the cop's personality, and if the department has met their quota for issuing tickets. However, good video and it never hurts to at least try some of the examples used.
over 3 years ago by mcspears
Cool video, very practical for many of us out there! Keep up the good work. Norgon - I think Jerry Seinfeld patented that move and it is indeed effective.
over 3 years ago by clayton
Here's an idea I've always wanted to try. Keep some fake blood from a costume store in your glove compartment. When the cop stops you, grab the fake blood, and put it all over your face to make it look like you have a terrible bloody nose. When the policeman comes up to your car act really sorry but say you were so distracted by this bloody nose that you kind of freaked and were not able to pay attention.
Seems like it would be hard for the guy to issue a ticket at that point if they have any empathy at all.
over 2 years ago by Vince_Monical
I don't think much of this advice, but I'll share what's helped me either get no ticket or get a ticket instead of moving violation something with no points, as the cop liked me. It's common sense, really: you are not argumentative or questioning of the cop, but super polite to the point of acting like a slave under tyranny. Speak only when spoken to, and NO EXCUSES -- picture yourself as a cop who gives tickets constantly, and imagine how you feel hearing excuses all day long. Don't like it, right? Now picture a speeder who just remains silent unless spoken to, doesn't try to make the cop in the wrong or himself in the right. I
over 2 years ago by lancetipford
It all depends on the officer.
The bloody nose trick will probably just make the cop check you for snorting cocain.
I like the nose picking tip. I'll try that next time. If you're sick I would would pull out my wallet for my license, and sneezeor cough toward my lap where my wallet/id will be. Same strategy - make the cop not want to touch your stuff or deal with you.
Also, you only have the first window visit to get out of a ticket. Once the officer takes your id and paperwork back to his car, the ticket is yours for sure. I have gotten about 20 tickets in the 11 years since I got my permit at 15 and only once have I ever been let go. The only reason why is because I heard over his radio that there was a gas station being robbed a few blocks away. He threw my stuff in my lap and said today is your lucky day, ran back to his car and drove off. Oh and I am always nice and quiet when they pull me over.
But think about this...If everyone did as they were suppose to, and no tickets were ever issued, what would happen to your city/state budgets? Someone tell a cop that the city/state was expecting you to speed...see if that works. haha
over 2 years ago by Jonathan_D_Schumann
doesnt work, i tried all of them. Including the pregnancy one...and I'm a guy
over 3 years ago by Shaan_Siddiqui
great answer LOL
over 2 years ago by beavertalk
Other tips that might work. Try to be as hostile and angry as possible, looking nervous and making sudden reaching movements under the seat are helpful as well. Insulting his mother, sister and lack of manhood is also a great way to get on his good side. Slurring your speech and having bloodshot eyes is a plus.
over 2 years ago by deckard1
$50 and great cleavage is the only way...xo
over 2 years ago by beavertalk
é preciso muita conversa para convencer certos policiais,não exagere muito e tente ser sincero
over 2 years ago by fcantanheda
If you follow this advice, you will definitely get a ticket. This advice is garbage. Makes me really wonder about this entire website!
over 2 years ago by bentley8
blabbering is going to make things worse
12 months ago by mikeandjay
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