How To Read People’s Minds

Gauge how relaxed they are by reading their palms. Are their hands tightly clenched? When you shake their hand, is it cold and clammy or hot and sweaty? All indicate unease.

Study their face, specifically the upper portion. A fake smile does not reach the eyes, so if the area around the eyes remains smooth and un-crinkled, the smiling person may really be feeling nervous or skeptical.

Make a general statement that will help you fish for information—something vague that could apply to anyone at any time like, “You’re worried about something, aren’t you?” or, “You’re concerned about a relationship,” or “Something has been on your mind lately.”

Listen carefully to their response so you can tweak your tactics accordingly. If they get emotional, you know you’ve hit a nerve—keep digging! If not, switch to another subject.

Look for micro-expressions—those blink-and-you-miss-them involuntary movements that betray a person’s real feelings. For example, the person who lies when he says he’s not worried about something will nod his head up and down almost imperceptibly during the denial.

Ask the person about something that almost everyone has in common—like a box of old photos—then use the response to tease out more information.

Learn basic body language. A person with his hands clasped behind his back or behind his head is confident; crossed arms indicate dislike or guardedness; a man with his thumbs hooked in his pants pocket is showing his sexual availability; ditto for a woman who plays with her hair and entwines her legs.

Mirror the person’s movements—if they are cupping their chin with their hand, you do the same—to establish intimacy. It not only will help you to read them better—it will make them more prone to open up to you.