How To Cow-Tip
- March 27, 2008
- 10,558 Views
Writer
Tracy
Voice Over Artist
Peter Coleman
Music
Kyle Hildenbrand
Cow-tipping is legendary, yet animal experts say it’s nearly impossible to do. Here’s how to “tip” the odds in your favor.
You Will Need
- Several strong partners in crime
- A dairy cow pasture
- Boots that can be hosed off
- Black clothing
Step 1: Choose a pasture
Choose a dairy cow pasture. Dairy cows tend to be more docile than beef cattle, although they are still easily startled.
Step 2: Scout it out
While it’s still light, pick an entry point from which you can make a quick getaway without being seen.
Step 3: Return after dark
Return with your friends after dark wearing boots that can be hosed off (unless you want to tramp cow poop home). If you have to drive to the pasture, park your vehicle for a fast escape.
You’re a cow commando—wear dark clothing to decrease your visibility.
Step 4: Find a cow
Weave your way through the pasture to the nearest isolated cow. Travel downwind and stay hunkered down—cows might seem gentle, but their instinct is to assume you’re a predator and bolt.
Step 5: Avoid bulls
Make sure your intended target is not a bull. Remember: if there’s an udder, no need to shudder… but if it’s a steer, stay clear! And stay away from mama cows who have babies close by.
Forget anything you’ve heard about beaming a flashlight into a cow’s eyes to see if it’s sleeping; unlike horses, cows can’t sleep standing up. If it’s tippable, it’s awake.
Step 6: Push
Sneak up as close as you can get to the cow, and have everyone get ready to hit the cow with both hands. Then count to three and push!
Step 7: Run
Now RUN! It might be hard to run while you’re giggling and dodging cow pies, but you and your friends will want to escape to a safe place so the cranky cow (or crabby farmer) won’t find you.
Step 8: Keep tipping
You can try to sneak back into the pasture and tip more cows, but you’ll probably just tire yourself out or start a stampede that’s sure to wake the farmer—which might just be part of the fun.
A recent study showed that a full two-thirds of animal-related accidents in the state of Minnesota happened on dairy farms.
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Comments (17)
Instant Classic guys! well done....not that I support cow-tipping or anything like that...
over 3 years ago by clayton
i support cow-tipping. it's an American passtime!
over 3 years ago by jimmy
Wait... where's the dish that ran away with the spoon?
over 3 years ago by caitlin
Shit. I've always wanted to know how to do this. Question tho: what happens if when you push one down, your friend gets trampled by another cow that's angry or something? You should just run right? Because I mean, you know, that's dangerous. And it would be unfair to endanger yourself when everybody knows the risks going into it.
over 3 years ago by norgon
Brilliant! so funny and those cows, they should be in hollywood, not on a farm!
over 3 years ago by Blikes
MOO!!!
over 2 years ago by SquidyBob
Ahhh. I always forget to wear the rubber boots. I'll now look for the utters first.
over 3 years ago by Fatforehead
LOL nearly impossible to tip a cow,besides other cows would already notice and the cow could make noise. farmer insta wake and im ded
over 2 years ago by jackdaniel0
The acting was superb!
over 3 years ago by caitlin
i love the moo
over 2 years ago by ferno4eva
what the fuck is cow tipping
over 2 years ago by monaser
what the fuck is cow tipping
over 2 years ago by monaser
it is when u tip a fucking cow stupid it is in the title!
about 1 year ago by Nerd_Ball
HAHAHA the tipped cow would be like who the heck did that? and he would go nuts lol HAHAHA
over 2 years ago by jackdaniel
DO that way ,I think the cows may feel hurt.
about 1 year ago by jacksue
Love it.
3 months ago by LovingLife
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