How To Bluff Your Way Through an IRS Audit

Dress for success—or, in your case, to confound. Auditors spend their days adrift in a bland sea of paperwork. Be a bright spot in their dull day.

When the auditor begins asking questions, try repeating “No comprendo” over and over. Or start asking him questions about his taxes.

If the “no speak English” thing doesn’t work out, try the opposite—speak so fast that the auditor can’t catch a word of what you’re saying.

When confronted with incontrovertible proof that you willfully misrepresented your earnings, say that you are not trying to deceive the government; you are protesting the tax laws. Not unlike those noble folks who threw the Boston Tea Party, thank you very much.

If the auditor is not buying your patriotic ploy, throw loved ones under the bus. Offer to tip off the to ten tax cheats in return for immunity.

While waiting for the to get back to you—they have 28 months to decide your fate—take a weight training class. It will stand you in good stead if you’re not lucky enough to be sent to Club Fed.