How To Evade Your Taxes

Become a celebrity—everyone knows they don’t handle their own finances. That way, if you’re caught, you can just blame it on your manager or accountant.

Find and invest your money in an abusive tax shelter. If caught, pretend you thought the business was legit.

Stash your money in foreign bank accounts where you won’t be required to pay U.S. tax—the Cayman Islands, for example.

Find off-the-books employment where you are paid in cold, hard cash. So much less paperwork this way, for both you and your employer!

Become self-employed, and then find so many business expenses and declare so little income that you don’t owe any taxes. You can pull this stunt two out of five years before the IRS declares your “business” a “hobby.”

Claim so many dependents that you make Mother Goose look like an amateur. Claim a charitable donation to an anti-birth control organization to make all those little exemptions look believable.

Move abroad to take advantage of the foreign earned income exclusion, which allows you to exclude income earned for personal services performed in a foreign country. Switzerland is a lovely, neutral country.