How Not To Write a College Admissions Essay

  • September 2, 2008
  • 4,769 Views
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The college admissions essay is your opportunity to distinguish yourself from the mob of applicants. Follow these steps and stand out you will!

You Will Need

  • Laziness
  • A bad attitude
  • And no problem with plagiarizing
How Not To Write a College Admissions Essay: Wait until the last minute

Step 1: Wait until the last minute

Don’t give the essay a moment’s thought until the night before it’s due.

How Not To Write a College Admissions Essay: Write down any old thing

Step 2: Write down any old thing

Write down whatever the heck you feel like, paying no mind to the suggested topics. Shouldn’t schools value creativity?

Ignore instructions about word length, line spacing, and margins.

How Not To Write a College Admissions Essay: Prepare a snack

Step 3: Prepare a snack

Halfway through, prepare a snack to help you think more clearly. Doze off for a while.

Don’t be concerned if a little pizza grease ends up on the essay. Admission counselors know that genius can’t be found on an empty stomach.

How Not To Write a College Admissions Essay: Phone friends

Step 4: Phone friends

Phone all your friends and classmates to ask what they said in their essays, but never get beyond the topic of the cute substitute chem teacher.

How Not To Write a College Admissions Essay: Plagiarize

Step 5: Plagiarize

Borrow the book report that earned your fifth-grade sibling an “A.” Incorporate any plot summary into your essay, tweaking some details to make the story your own.

How Not To Write a College Admissions Essay: Trust yourself

Step 6: Trust yourself

Mail the essay without letting anyone review it.

How Not To Write a College Admissions Essay: Shrug off rejection

Step 7: Shrug off rejection

Don’t let it bother you when you receive a rejection letter stating, “We found it interesting that your life so closely mirrored that of Johnny Appleseed.” That’s a compliment—he’s an American icon!

More than 50% of college applicants are rejected by their first choice school.

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Comments (4)

sarge657

It sure would suck if someone didn't see the title.

over 3 years ago by sarge657

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yestyle

This is totally non sense.

over 3 years ago by yestyle

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WiiGirl455

This video is for people who have parents bugging them to write an essay to go to college, so you do this to not get into college.

5 months ago by WiiGirl455

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kjmorkunas

What is the point of this? I can't believe Howcast is paying for useless videos.

about 1 year ago by kjmorkunas

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Video is in University Seminar (49 videos)