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The college admissions essay is your opportunity to distinguish yourself from the mob of applicants. Follow these steps and stand out you will!

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  Step 1: Wait until the last minute

  Don’t give the essay a moment’s thought until the night before it’s due.

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  Step 2: Write down any old thing

  Write down whatever the heck you feel like, paying no mind to the suggested topics. Shouldn’t schools value creativity?

• Tip

  Ignore instructions about word length, line spacing, and margins.

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  Step 3: Prepare a snack

  Halfway through, prepare a snack to help you think more clearly. Doze off for a while.

• Tip

  Don't be concerned if a little pizza grease ends up on the essay. Admission counselors know that genius can't be found on an empty stomach.

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  Step 4: Phone friends

  Phone all your friends and classmates to ask what they said in their essays, but never get beyond the topic of the cute substitute chem teacher.

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  Step 5: Plagiarize

  Borrow the book report that earned your fifth-grade sibling an “A.” Incorporate any plot summary into your essay, tweaking some details to make the story your own.

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  Step 6: Trust yourself

  Mail the essay without letting anyone review it.

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  Step 7: Shrug off rejection

  Don’t let it bother you when you receive a rejection letter stating, “We found it interesting that your life so closely mirrored that of Johnny Appleseed.” That’s a compliment—he’s an American icon!

• Fact

  More than 50% of college applicants are rejected by their first choice school.