How To Drink Like a Man

Choose a no-frills bar. It shouldn’t have no velvet ropes and it shouldn’t smell too good. Heck, it shouldn’t even have no windows. You’re there to drink, not to admire the scenery.

Belly up to the bar and order something brown. Beer, whiskey, scotch, bourbon, and rye are what real men drink. For a little variety, try a macho cocktail, like a dirty martini, but for Pete’s sake, make sure it don’t involve fruit juice.

A man’s drink should sting a little going down. Order your liquor straight up – no ice, served at room temperature. Stay away from light beer and, if you’re getting a cocktail, tell the bartender to make it strong.

Know your stuff. Learn the difference between blended scotch and single malt, and always ask for a specific brand of liquor.

Grip your glass or beer bottle firmly and knock it back. When you’ve finished, slam it down on the bar with authority and order another.

Keep drinking until you find the drink that suits you best. There ain’t nothin’ manlier than telling the bartender, “I’ll have the usual.”