How To Survive While Lost on a Mysterious Island

If at all possible, be really attractive. Sure, you’re stuck on a remote island that’s apparently been lost in time, but that’s no reason to let your grooming slip. Make sure your hair is coiffed and your clothes are stylishly tattered. Otherwise, you risk being relegated to the background, carrying logs while the pretty people make all the decisions.

Keep secrets. If you find something weird on the island – a medical supply station, a polar bear, your dead father – for the love of God, don’t tell anyone. Hang onto this information for as long as possible, just to keep things interesting.

To pass the time, make up a series of cute but increasingly annoying nicknames for your fellow castaways.

Whatever you do, do not resolve any deep-seated issues from your past. Coming to terms with your daddy issues or finally kicking your heroin habit will only result in your tragic demise.

If you do die, don’t worry about it. You might not actually be dead, or you might come back as a ghost, or in somebody else’s flashback. It’s confusing, but if you stick it out, everything will make sense in the end. Hopefully.