How to Survive Prison Life
Landed in the big house? Survive prison life by following these do's and don'ts.
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You Will Need
- Zipped lips
- Humility
- Restraint
- Acceptance
- Courage (optional)
Steps
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Step 1
Don't be a snitch
Don't rat anyone out. Ever. If you want to survive prison life, this is the number one rule.
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Step 2
Don't be a badass
Forget what you've seen on TV about swaggering into prison like a tough guy so you won't get picked on. Acting like a badass is actually more likely to get you beaten up because the established thugs will feel obligated to reassert their dominance.
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If you do get targeted for a smackdown, fight back to the best of your ability and try not to show fear.
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Step 3
Resist favors
If an inmate offers to give you something or do you a favor, politely decline. This is a common trick inmates use on newbies to get them into their debt so they can extort a huge payback.
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Step 4
Wait to be asked
Don't join anything -- a conversation, a mess hall table, a game of hoops -- unless you're invited. Refrain from asking personal questions unless the other person has broached the subject first.
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Never ask an inmate what they're "in for"; ask what they've been "accused of."
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Step 5
Brace yourself
Expect bad treatment from the guards if you're in for financial misdeeds -- especially if you could once afford $6,000 shower curtains. These inmates tend to be assigned the most degrading jobs.
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Step 6
Make peace with your crime
Assuming you're guilty, make peace with doing the time. Acceptance of your circumstances will help you survive prison life and plan for the future.
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If an inmate tries to sneak in contraband via his rectum, it's known as "keistering."
