How to Get Laid

It’s the reason you were created. You might as well start practicing.

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Up next in How to Improve Your Sex Life (50 videos)

Spice up your love life -- and learn how to handle any sexual situation that may arise -- with the advice in these Howcast videos. You'll learn how to perform a striptease, get rid of a one-night stand, have sex in the office and not get caught, spring clean your sex life, have hotter sex, talk her into having sex with you, undo a bra with one hand, have stronger erections, talk dirty, improve sexual foreplay, and much, much more.

 
 

You Will Need

  • A functioning pair of genitals
  • Consent
  • Standards (optional)

Steps

  1. Step 1

    For girls

    If you are a female... get laid. If you are a male, proceed to step 2.

  2. Step 2

    For gays

    If you are a homosexual... get laid. If you are a heterosexual male, proceed to step 3.

  3. Step 3

    For guys

    Locate a woman. Don't just stand there - manipulate your lips and tongue to create "words," which, if formed correctly, will put the woman at ease and communicate to her that you are an affable person who knows how to speak.

  4. Step 4

    Use words

    Use the 'words' to talk about your massive pectoral muscles, collection of expensive sports cars, or your successful career as a multi-hyphenate firefighter-rock star-surgeon/astronaut. Now, get laid. Should you find these topics of conversation inapplicable, continue to step 5.

  5. Step 5

    Make a date

    Go ahead and start checking for any signs of encouragement that it would be appropriate for conversation to continue. If you’re getting the green light, suggest reuniting with the woman at a later date.

  6. Step 6

    Don’t mince words

    Convey to the woman in question that you would make an acceptable sexual partner. This can take weeks, months, and even years, so don’t mince words.

  7. Step 7

    Get laid

    Get laid.

  8. Step 8

    Repeat

    Repeat.

  9. The people of Earth "get laid" roughly 120 million times every single day. Please: do it responsibly.

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