How To Give a Speech Without Saying Anything
- May 9, 2008
- 10,414 Views
Writer
Rosemarie_Lennon
Voice Over Artist
Darcie Champagne
Music
Edison Music Corp
Politicians have it down to a science—giving a rousing speech without actually saying anything. Learn how to double-talk, whether you’re running for office or just need to say a whole lot of nothing.
You Will Need
- Sound bites
- Euphemisms
- A professional speechwriter
- Delaying tactics
Step 1: Keep it vague
Pepper your speech with universally appealing sound bites like, “More money!” “Less waste!” “A clean environment!” “Healthy children!” but don’t paint yourself into a corner by providing details on how you’re going to accomplish this wonderful stuff.
Step 2: Hedge your bets
Hedge your bets. If you say, “We need to be aggressive,” temper it later with “We need to proceed cautiously.” Thus if someone criticizes you for being too aggressive, you can say you underscored the need for caution.
Nod, smile, and point at imaginary friends in the audience, so people will think the room is filled with supporters.
Step 3: Hire a speechwriter
Hire a professional speechwriter to come up with a catchy phrase on the order of “Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.” Then the rest of your blather won’t matter.
Step 4: Use euphemisms
Be liberal with your use of euphemisms. Your district isn’t in crisis; it’s facing a challenge. You’ve never been criticized; you’ve just gotten lots of feedback. And you’ve never been involved in a scandal, you just exercised poor judgment.
Remember, you’re not “anti” anything—such an ugly word. You are simply “pro” something else.
Step 5: Run down the clock
When asked a question, buy time by saying things like, “That’s an excellent question!” and “I’m glad someone asked that.” Keep rephrasing your delight and eagerness until people forget what the hell you were supposed to be answering.
George Orwell said political language is “designed to make lies sound truthful and murder respectable, and to give an appearance of solidity to pure wind.”
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Comments (9)
why kid-Clinton and kid-Obama? considering this is supposed to be about ";all politicians"; it makes little sense to use such uncommon visual examples unless you're trying to make a political point that you feel they're specifically guilty of this ";saying nothing"; technique.
over 3 years ago by deleahrium
If the kids are supposed to be Hillary and Obama....who's the dog?
over 3 years ago by MegT
hahaha I actually was wondering about that myself!
over 3 years ago by deleahrium
I love kid hillary!
over 3 years ago by sanjay
They're both so cute!
over 3 years ago by HeatherMenicucci
brilliant and true
over 3 years ago by xgeronimo
Awesome!
over 4 years ago by AugustoS
That George Orwell quote is one of my favorites. It's so true...
over 2 years ago by mythical_0ne
dark cynicism balanced by the cuteness of little children missing teeth :-)
over 3 years ago by jimmy
can't tell who is cuter: the puppies or the children. Proooooooobably the puppies.
over 2 years ago by JennRamsay
Awesome!
over 4 years ago by AugustoS
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