How to Get Money Out of Your Parents

So it’s one month into the school year and you’ve already blown through the entire semester’s allowance. You’re gonna need a good strategy.

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Up next in College Freshman Survival Guide (13 videos)

Hey, frosh: Check out the tips and advice in these videos.

You Will Need

  • Solvent parents
  • Acting skills
  • Willingness to bend the truth

Steps

  1. Step 1

    Don't call them

    Don’t call them—wait for them to phone. When they complain that they never hear from you, tell them calls cost money.

  2. Crunch some paper into the phone as you’re chatting. When asked, say you’re rolling pennies so you can buy dinner.

  3. Step 2

    Sound weak

    Next time they call, sound weak. When they show concern, tell them you’re just a little tired from donating plasma for cash three times this week.

  4. If you’re a guy, add that you’re looking into the more profitable sperm donation. Girls, say, 'Hey, did you guys know I could get $5,000 for my eggs?'

  5. Step 3

    Ask for canned goods

    Tell your mom you’d love her to send some of her homemade brownies—then ask if she could toss in a few canned goods as well.

  6. Step 4

    Too broke to come home

    Gently break it to them that you won’t be coming home for the holidays after all. When pushed, sheepishly admit you don’t have the money.

  7. Step 5

    Have response ready

    Have a good response ready when they ask what happened to all your money, like, 'I’ve been eating out a lot to avoid the E. coli they keep finding in the cafeteria food.'

  8. Step 6

    Reinforce good behavior

    When they insist on replenishing your account, reinforce this good behavior by telling them they are the best parents in the whole wide world.

  9. According to a recent survey, the average college student has about $287 to spend per month on discretionary items.

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