How To Act If a Dog Is Humping Your Leg
- November 16, 2008
- 13,129 Views
Writer
scriptedsports
Everyone loves a party—until the host’s pooch starts giving your leg a little bit of his doggie style. Show that canine he’s not humping any old bitch.
You Will Need
- Calm nerves
- Quick wits
- Snack food
- Wet naps (just in case)
Step 1: Don’t panic
Stay calm. In addition to your apparently enthralling scent, fear can be sniffed out by dogs—so panicking may only exacerbate the situation.
Step 2: Try a bribe
Drag yourself and your frisky friend over to the buffet table and discreetly offer him a tasty treat in exchange for a dismount.
Go for a meaty snack; he probably won’t let go of your leg for a celery stick.
Step 3: Fake him out
If you don’t have a snack, try throwing an imaginary ball across the room.
Step 4: Make a joke
If none of your tricks have worked, it’s time to get others involved. Call attention to your predicament with a joke. Just be cool about it. Your host will be embarrassed enough without you piling on.
Try this one: “Whoa, easy there, Fido—that’s not a Milk Bone in my pocket.”
Step 5: Demand assistance
At this point, if the mutt has not been removed, all bets are off. You are well within your rights to howl at your host. Feel free to use profanity.
Step 6: Ride it out
If the dog’s owner is uncooperative, you just may have to weather the storm. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get a new best friend out of the deal.
Neutered and female dogs sometimes hump legs as an act of dominance, not sex—so get over yourself already!
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Comments (10)
Excellent advice and a job very well done!!! BUT please remember when going for the meat in hopes of a dismount be careful; chicken bones can kill dog, then again I've been laid out on the floor once by a humping Bull Mastiff and in retrospect the chicken bone may have been my best defense:)
over 3 years ago by madvida
very entertaining and useful.
over 3 years ago by BScott
The best way to get the dog to stop is the pull it off hold it down and firmly say no. Look the dog directly in the eyes and show no fear while continuing to hold it so it can't move. This is how you assert dominance over the dog and prove that your the boss. And you don't hump the boss. If you are scared or appear weak, the dog will take advantage of you.
over 3 years ago by miramax42
LOL!!!! I'm 10 years old and watching this video!!!!!!!!!!
about 1 year ago by Dmitriys
lol. i never thought someone would make a video like this. great hiw-to!
over 3 years ago by ashleaf
That made me LOL.
about 1 year ago by Phoebe_Yeung
I have known men who behave like that....
over 3 years ago by jackierange
if the dog is very small, just bow down, pick it up, put it down somewhereelse, sit down on a couch and drag your legs up under you
about 1 year ago by BeWiseThinkTwice
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6 months ago by HDavy
Amazing...
over 3 years ago by fembot3000
Even the animated food is cute...great spot!
over 3 years ago by HeatherM
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