How To Deal With Cold Feet Before Your Wedding

If it’s marriage that worries you, make a list of exactly what’s beginning to freak you out. If you’re just a little bit nervous about the idea of never having sex with anyone else again, that’s normal. If you’re chafing at the mere thought of having to keep someone in the loop about your plans, that’s more serious.

If it’s the idea of life with your betrothed that has you breaking into a cold sweat, write down the person’s pros and cons.

Ask loved ones if they think you’re making a mistake. Pick people whose opinions you trust—and who are capable of being brutally honest with you.

Talk to your intended about your fears. How he or she reacts—by being understanding and reassuring about your concerns, or bitchy and sarcastic about your maturity level—will tell you a lot.

Consult a third party, like your priest, rabbi, or spiritual counselor. Or seek out a disinterested professional, like a marital therapist. Who better to discern if you’re making a mistake than someone who counsels screwed-up couples every day?

Ask your beloved if he or she would be willing to get premarital counseling with you. Here again, the person’s level of cooperation will provide valuable insight.

If after careful consideration you still don’t know what to do, postpone the wedding until you feel completely comfortable either rescheduling it or calling it off.