How to Fake Being Sick

Pulling a Ferris Bueller is easier than you think—if you plan ahead.

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You Will Need

  • A notebook to record dates and excuses
  • A somewhat gullible parent
  • Acting skills
  • Corn flakes
  • Hot liquids

Steps

  1. Step 1

    Commit this list to memory ...

    Commit this list to memory: a fever of 100 degrees or more, vomiting, diarrhea, earache, and sore throat. Doctors say these are valid reasons to miss school, so what parent would disagree?

  2. Step 2

    Keep a log

    Keep a log of dates and excuses so you can prevent patterns from developing.

  3. Never brag about missing days over the phone, e-mail or IM. You never know when your communications might be intercepted by an adult.

  4. Step 3

    Fake onset of symptoms

    Become skilled at faking the onset of symptoms. Digestive ailments generally occur suddenly, while other maladies begin presenting themselves the night before.

  5. Lay the necessary groundwork—at dinner, mention how scratchy your throat is and don’t eat a thing, especially dessert!

  6. Step 4

    Make fake vomit

    If necessary, pull out the big guns. Broken cornflakes mixed with a little water make an excellent stand-in for vomit.

  7. Step 5

    Fake your temperature

    If your parents demand further proof, drink hot liquids before taking your temperature to produce a false reading.

  8. Step 6

    Enjoy your success

    Congratulations! Your mom ordered you to stay home. When you sneak out, make sure you’re back before anyone notices you’re missing.

  9. An estimated 150,000 young people, usually in their late teens or early twenties, are diagnosed with infectious mononucleosis each year.

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