Have you had a baby—and lost your sex life? You’re not alone. It’s the rare couple that can have a baby and not miss a beat sexually. But you can get back that lovin’ feeling.
: Get your doctor’s go-ahead before having intercourse. Most advise waiting six weeks after childbirth.
Step 1: Pinpoint the problem Try to pinpoint what’s coming between you and connubial bliss. Does sex hurt? Are you exhausted? Self-conscious about the extra pounds you’ve yet to lose? Too wrapped up in your baby to even think about sex?
Step 2: Resolve Resolve to tackle the issues that apply to you one by one. For most new parents, it’s a combination of things.
Step 3: Try new positions If painful intercourse is the problem, try different positions. Woman-on-top and side-by-side keep pressure off tender nether regions.
TIP: Even if you’re nursing, you can get pregnant. The best postpartum contraceptive is a condom, since hormonal methods can interfere with lactation and diaphragms have to be refitted after childbirth.
Step 4: Moisturize Get a good lubricant. Both breastfeeding and a lowered libido due to exhaustion can cause vaginal dryness.
TIP: Use a water- or silicone-based lubricant when using a condom. Oil-based products, like petroleum jelly and massage oil, can break down the latex.
Step 5: Get creative Get creative about finding time to get busy. Do it while the baby naps or first thing in the morning. Grab a quickie wherever you can—the couch, the car, the kitchen.
TIP: Don’t worry about having sex while the baby is in the same room. She won’t have a clue what’s going on.
Step 6: Relax Relax about your figure. Pregnancy definitely rearranges things, but chances are a little extra padding won’t bother your partner at all. He may even appreciate those extra curves.
Step 7: Go the extra mile Go that extra mile to get things started—a little dirty talk over the phone, a suggestive note tucked into the book he’s reading, an erotic movie.
Step 8: Be diplomatic Be diplomatic about the dive your love life has taken. Instead of whining, 'We never have sex anymore,' say something like, 'I miss kissing and touching you.'
TIP: If your breasts are tender from nursing, make them off-limits for now, and leave your bra on. (Just make it a sexy one.)
Step 9: Get a babysitter Get someone to watch the baby so you can get out.
Step 10: Have confidence Rest assured that this dry spell won’t last forever. Just look at all those families that have more than one kid!
FACT: Half of all first-time parents describe their sex lives as "poor" or "not very good" 8 months after childbirth.