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How to Hook Up with Your Girlfriend’s Roommate

For efficiency’s sake, if you’re going to cheat on your girlfriend, you might as well date her roommate.

Instructions

  • : This will probably not end well.
  • Step 1: Get a girlfriend Get a girlfriend whose roommate is the jealous or hateful type. College dorms are good hunting grounds. A backstabbing sorority girl paired with a sarcastic philosophy major is an ideal combination.
  • Step 2: Make them enemies If your girlfriend and her roomie get along, drive a wedge between them. For example, get one of your male friends to tell the roommate that your girlfriend talks trash about her behind her back.
  • TIP: Be careful—your attempts to turn them against each other must not be traceable to you.
  • Step 3: Drop by Drop by one day when you know your girlfriend is out. Casually bring up a complaint about your girlfriend that the roomie will relate to—like you’ve just discovered she badmouths you to others.
  • Step 4: Suggest coffee Suggest going out for a cup of coffee—claim you’re so hurt about your girlfriend’s behavior that you need to talk to someone.
  • Step 5: Thank her Thank her for listening to you. Tell her what a smart, kind, and—yes, you’re just gonna say it—sexy woman she is. Confess, sheepishly, that you wish you had met her first.
  • Step 6: Fan the flames Keep feeding the roomie nonsense about how awful your girlfriend is to you—and how nastily she speaks of her. At this point, the roommate will likely be pursuing you.
  • Step 7: Hook up Hook up with both gals for as long as you can. Eventually the roomie will tire of revenge or your girlfriend will find out. Either way, the jig will be up.
  • FACT: Many states still have anti-adultery laws from the 19th century that have never been repealed but are no longer enforced.

You Will Need

  • A girlfriend with a jealous or hateful roommate
  • The ability to lie convincingly

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