How to Rev Up Your Sex Drive with Sensate Focus Techniques

Rediscover the joy of sex with this five-step program developed by renowned sex therapists.

You will need

  • A cooperative partner
  • Self-discipline
  • Candles (optional)
  • Music (optional)
  • Creams
  • lotions
  • and oils (optional)

Step 1 Avoid sex Commit to not having intercourse until you get to the end of this therapeutic process. Even if lack of desire is your biggest problem, you may be surprised at how much you’ll crave sex once you’re forbidden to have it.

Step 2 Get touchy feely For your first session, remain fully clothed as you each take a 10-minute turn feeling the other person all over. Try to recreate the exciting groping of your adolescence. Don’t speak during this exercise; focus solely on sensation, both when you touch your partner and when you’re being touched.

Step 3 Repeat Wait a few days, and then repeat the exercise. This time, do it in the nude, but avoid touching breasts, anuses, and genitals.

Step 4 Give some signals Wait a few more days, and then repeat the nude touching exercise, this time with no area off-limits. Again, do not speak. But if your partner touches you in a pleasurable way, let them know by squeezing their hand.

Step 5 Begin mutual touching After another few days with no physical contact, move on to stage four — mutual nude touching. In other words, the turn-taking is over and you can now do anything you want — short of oral sex and intercourse.

Step 6 Have no-pressure sex Forgo physical contact for another few days, and then engage in ‘nondemand intercourse’ which means intercourse without the expectation of achieving orgasm. In fact, if one of you is about to climax, slow down the action. By this time, you both hopefully are panting for unrestricted sexual activity, which you can now enjoy.

Step 7 Repeat as needed Repeat this process whenever your sex life needs a jolt.