How to Fake Being Sober

If "sloppy" and "drunk" are often used in the same sentence to describe you, you might want to soak in some of these suggestions.

Instructions

  • : Never drink and drive.
  • Step 1: Pop a Vitamin C Pop a Vitamin C. Studies have reported that a large dose of Vitamin C will prevent drunken behavior.
  • Step 2: Walk a straight line Announce to whoever's around: "I'm as sober as a Deacon and I can prove it!" Then walk a straight line. The keys are to focus on a point on the ground 10 feet in front of you and don't look down at your feet and the line.
  • TIP: If a police officer asks you to follow his finger with your eyes, mention that you've had a lot of coffee. Caffeine causes the same involuntary jerking of the eyeball that alcohol does.
  • Step 3: Eat something overpowering Forget the mints: Eat something overpowering enough to cover up liquor breath, like garlic.
  • Step 4: Put in eye drops Put in some eye drops.
  • Step 5: Lower voice Lower your voice; drunks tend to get loud. Better still, try not to talk at all.
  • Step 6: Powder face Powder your face—borrow a compact if you have to—to get rid of any telltale redness.
  • FACT: Research has shown that college students spend more money on booze than they do on tea, coffee, milk, juice, soft drinks, and books combined.

You Will Need

  • Acting skills
  • Some vitamin C
  • Eye drops
  • A little face powder
  • Some strong-smelling food

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