How to Lead a Double Life

Whether you want to juggle two wives or keep you alter ego separate from your day job, here are the precautions you must take.

You will need

  • A second name
  • A daily planner
  • A second phone line
  • A P.O. box
  • A good memory
  • An escape plan
  • A checklist

Step 1 Assume a different name Assume a different name for any risqué second life. This will help you immediately get into character when you hear your name called in public.

Step 2 Buy a daily planner Buy a daily planner and be maniacal about scheduling every hour of your day. If you’re going to be successful in leading two different lives, you’ve got to keep them from colliding.

Step 3 Have separate phones Have separate phones and numbers for each persona.

Step 4 Get a P.O. box Get a P.O. box for the life you consider the ‘secret’ one.

Step 5 Don’t allow pictures Don’t allow photos to be taken of you. You never know where they could land, bringing down your whole house of cards.

Step 6 Be vigilant Be vigilant about assuming the right identity. If you wear the wrong wedding band with the wrong partner, that’s gonna be a hard one to explain.

Step 7 Guard your privacy Guard your privacy, even to the point of rudeness. You never know what a snoopy neighbor may pick up on if you leave him in your den unattended.

Step 8 Feign incompetence Adopt an absent-minded professor demeanor in both lives; it will make it easier to explain your tendency to repeat and contradict yourself.

Step 9 Have an emergency plan Have an emergency plan in place, lest your double life becomes exposed. Depending on the extent of your duplicity, having a third identity ready and waiting may be in order!