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How to Lead a Double Life

Whether you want to juggle two wives or keep you alter ego separate from your day job, here are the precautions you must take.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Assume a different name Assume a different name for any risqué second life. This will help you immediately get into character when you hear your name called in public.
  • Step 2: Buy a daily planner Buy a daily planner and be maniacal about scheduling every hour of your day. If you’re going to be successful in leading two different lives, you’ve got to keep them from colliding.
  • Step 3: Have separate phones Have separate phones and numbers for each persona.
  • Step 4: Get a P.O. box Get a P.O. box for the life you consider the 'secret' one.
  • Step 5: Don’t allow pictures Don’t allow photos to be taken of you. You never know where they could land, bringing down your whole house of cards.
  • Step 6: Be vigilant Be vigilant about assuming the right identity. If you wear the wrong wedding band with the wrong partner, that’s gonna be a hard one to explain.
  • TIP: Consider preparing a checklist that you can review when transitioning from one role to the other.
  • Step 7: Guard your privacy Guard your privacy, even to the point of rudeness. You never know what a snoopy neighbor may pick up on if you leave him in your den unattended.
  • Step 8: Feign incompetence Adopt an absent-minded professor demeanor in both lives; it will make it easier to explain your tendency to repeat and contradict yourself.
  • Step 9: Have an emergency plan Have an emergency plan in place, lest your double life becomes exposed. Depending on the extent of your duplicity, having a third identity ready and waiting may be in order!
  • FACT: Self-described 'gray, bald, fat, old' British car salesman Melvyn Reed was successfully juggling three wives when he awakened in a hospital room after heart surgery to find all three women ready to kill him.

You Will Need

  • A second name
  • A daily planner
  • A second phone line
  • A P.O. box
  • A good memory
  • An escape plan
  • A checklist

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