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How to Have a Sexy Valentine's Day

Make this Valentine’s Day the most erotic you’ve ever had.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Primp Buff your body within an inch of its life. Have a mani/pedi; exfoliate and moisturize; get a facial; apply a spray tan. Be squeaky clean, pleasant smelling, and clean-shaven. Girls, consider a Brazilian.
  • Step 2: Buy massage oils Buy massage oils and watch some online videos on how to give your partner a long, relaxing massage.
  • Step 3: Get candles Get lots of cream-colored pillar candles of various sizes—or use glass holders and tea candles—and place them throughout your home. They not only look beautiful, they emit light that’s incredibly flattering.
  • Step 4: Plan a special meal Plan a special meal. It could consist of your lover’s favorite foods, or it could consist of a variety of decadent treats, like caviar, Kobe beef, and lobster.
  • TIP: Instead of a heavy sit-down dinner that may leave you too stuffed for sex, consider serving a variety of hors d’oeuvres that you can nibble on between nibbling each other.
  • Step 5: Chill the champagne Chill a split of champagne for a romantic toast. Then move on to martinis; they make everyone feel sexier.
  • Step 6: Don’t forget dessert Don’t forget dessert. You can’t go wrong with chocolate. Or phone your love’s Mom so you can surprise him or her with a favorite childhood dessert.
  • Step 7: Burn a CD of sexy songs Burn a CD of sexy songs, like Marvin Gaye’s 'Let’s Get It On,' Depeche Mode’s 'I Want You Now,' Chris Isaak’s 'Wicked Game,' and the Divinyls 'I Touch Myself.'
  • TIP: Have a few erotic movies on hand, too—good ones include Swept Away (the original, not the Madonna-produced debacle), Last Tango in Paris, and Body Heat.
  • Step 8: Dress for sexcess Dress for sexcess. We’ll leave it to you whether that involves elegant eveningwear, a Naughty Nurse outfit, or whips and chains.
  • FACT: Every Valentine’s Day, the town of Verona, Italy—home of Shakespeare’s Romeo and Juliet—receives over 1,000 cards and letters addressed to Juliet.

You Will Need

  • Beauty treatments
  • Massage oils
  • Candles
  • Food
  • Champagne
  • A CD of sexy songs
  • Some erotic movies
  • Role-playing costumes

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