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How To Get Your Guests To Leave

It's been a lovely evening, but your guests show no signs of leaving. Perhaps they just need a little push.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Mention beginning & end When you invite your guests, mention a beginning and an end to the evening. For example, say, 'We’ll have drinks, dinner, and dessert from seven until eleven.'
  • Step 2: Throw out hints At the appointed time, start hinting that it’s time to hit the road by standing up, yawning audibly, and asking whether anyone needs a cab.
  • Step 3: Present leftovers No movement? Go to the kitchen, wrap up some leftovers, and present them with the pointed remark, 'Here’s a little something you can enjoy at home.'
  • Step 4: Start cleaning up Start cleaning up, and make sure to remove all munchies.
  • TIP: Taking the booze glasses away, even if there is still liquor in them, sends a clear message that it’s time to go.
  • Step 5: Change into robe & slippers Change into your robe and slippers, and reemerge sporting a horrific mask of cold cream. Hum 'The Party’s Over' under your breath.
  • Step 6: Retrieve coats & stand by door Still no movement? Retrieve their coats and other belongings, and stand by the door.
  • Step 7: Bore them If all else fails, say, "Wanna see my " and fill in: wedding video, grade school report cards, or great-grandmother’s spoon collection. If your guests are squeamish, offer to reveal your surgical scar or watch a birth video.
  • Step 8: Enjoy the silence Enjoy the sound of silence.
  • FACT: In a 2006 survey, Ellen DeGeneres was named the ideal dinner guest, with 28% of the vote.

You Will Need

  • Dinner guests who have overstayed their welcome

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