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How to Get Out of Attending a Wedding

It’s that time of year again, when it seems like all your old, long-lost friends decide to get married. Here are some ideas of how to avoid yet another wedding.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Express excitement over the invitation When your invitation first arrives, be sure to express your excitement. RSVP yes.
  • TIP: Trying to get out of the wedding too early could lead to suggestions about how you could get out of your alleged 'conflict.'
  • Step 2: Decline a few weeks prior Act as if you can’t wait to attend--until a few weeks prior, when you suddenly announce the terrible news that you can’t make it. Be crestfallen.
  • Step 3: Blame work Consider saying you’ve been called away on an urgent business trip. While this is a fairly common excuse, you will need to keep track of the lie in future conversations with friends and friends of friends.
  • Step 4: Fake a family reunion If a business trip isn’t plausible, say you’re suddenly being forced to attend a last-minute family reunion. Just make sure no relatives are going to the wedding!
  • Step 5: Play sick If you need to cancel at the very last minute, claim you’ve contracted a contagious disease. Make it serious but not deadly, like a rare strain of conjunctivitis.
  • TIP: Waiting until the last minute means the couple will be stuck paying for your meal, making them very unsympathetic to your fictional illness.
  • Step 6: Send a gift Whatever excuse you give, be sure to send a gift and an apology note to further pretend like you care. Unless, of course, you want to end the friendship--in which case, ditch the polite routine and blow the whole thing off. You won’t hear from them ever again!
  • FACT: Ancient Romans broke a wedding cake over the bride’s head as a symbol of fertility.

You Will Need

  • An unwanted wedding invitation
  • A good excuse
  • The ability to lie

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