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How to Become a Superdelegate

What's that? Your party's convention needs someone to cast a deciding vote? Faster than a speeding ballot, it's... superdelegate to the rescue!

Instructions

  • Step 1: Emigrate from a far-off land Emigrate from a far-off land. Whether you’re the sole survivor of your destroyed planet or you’re taking a break from your Amazonian sisters, your foreign status will give you an extra air of political mystery.
  • Step 2: Expose yourself to radiation Get exposed to radiation. Keep an eye out for funky-looking spiders, glowing green canisters, cosmic rays, nuclear blasts, and wobbly shelves full of unstable chemicals. These would all kill most people, but for you, they’re a one-way ticket to the national convention.
  • TIP: Find work in a lab. Over 80% of power-causing accidents occur after hours in laboratories.
  • Step 3: Get rich and get angry Sell your inventions, be born into royalty, or just inherit a ton of dough. But don’t spend any of it on therapy! Whether its schizophrenia, OCD, or plain old alcoholism, a billionaire with a personality disorder is bound to become a political heavyweight.
  • Step 4: Endure top-secret government experiments See if you can get in on a top-secret government experiment, either as an unwitting victim or a patriotic volunteer. Use your special situation for political leverage.
  • Step 5: Communicate with fish Communicate with fish. Actually, this one might earn you more ridicule than praise. Let’s move on.
  • Step 6: Be born Some lucky would-be superdelegates are simply born with a mutant ability to win friends and influence people. Look for super political powers to manifest probably around the onset of puberty.
  • Step 7: Become a real superdelegate Ok, ok, you want to become a real superdelegate — someone who’s free to vote for whichever candidate they want at their party’s convention? Good luck. Each party has its own rules, but superdelegates are generally past or present party leaders, governors, senators, representatives, or members of the party’s national committee.
  • FACT: 'Superdelegate' is a term that’s mostly used in the Democratic Party. Republicans have their own version — often called 'unpledged delegates' — who are much less prominent.

You Will Need

  • Interplanetary origins
  • Radiation
  • Riches
  • A personality disorder
  • A shady government experiment
  • Unpredictable chemicals
  • A laboratory (optional)
  • Natural mutant powers (optional)
  • The ability to speak to fish (optional)

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