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How to Heal Your Relationship after You've Cheated

It can take a long time to regain someone's trust after you've had an affair, but it can be done.


  • Step 1: Sever contact with your lover Sever all contact with your lover. If you work with your paramour, consider finding a new job. It will be difficult for your partner to trust you again if their rival is still close by.
  • Step 2: Answer any and all questions Answer any and all questions about the affair. The wronged partner often needs to hear the details, painful as they may be, before they can move on. But do edit out anything that is needlessly cruel.
  • Step 3: Take responsibility Apologize. Take responsibility, and empathize with the pain this betrayal has caused. You may believe your partner bears some of the blame, but it's important to acknowledge that stepping outside the relationship was not the appropriate way to handle your discontent.
  • Step 4: Agree to counseling Offer to go to counseling. If your partner wants you to see someone together, do so, even if you'd prefer to keep your problems private.
  • TIP: Some couples find relationship retreats a good way to work through their issues.
  • Step 5: Rebuild trust Rebuild trust by keeping in touch with your partner throughout the day and volunteering your whereabouts. Your partner will be understandably fearful and suspicious for a while – this will help assure them that you have nothing to hide.
  • Step 6: Make changes Suggest changes that might strengthen the relationship, like establishing a weekly date night where you focus on just spending time together, or hiring a cleaning service if arguing over whose turn it was to clean the toilet had sucked all the romance out of your relationship.
  • Step 7: Keep communication open Keep the lines of communication open so that you and your partner can work out any future difficulties before one of you turns to someone else.
  • FACT: Forty to 70 percent of partners have cheated on their spouses, according to one study.

You Will Need

  • A clean break with your lover
  • Honesty
  • Personal responsibility
  • Counseling
  • Openness
  • A couples retreat

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