Updated:
Original:

How to Score a Last-Call Hookup

It’s closing time—which means it’s time to get serious about finding someone willing to go home with you.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Scan the room Scan the room for your top three choices. Base your decision not just on desirability, but on attainability as well. Exclude anyone already talking to a guy--trying to muscle in now could lead to a bar fight, in which case no one will get laid.
  • TIP: Go for the middle of the road. There’s a mathematical concept called 'insincere voting' in which you sacrifice your unlikely top choice to make sure you don’t end up with your least-favorite choice. Get used to it.
  • Step 2: Set a standard If you’ve awakened with regrets in the past, pick a level of attractiveness below which you won’t go--and try to stick to it!
  • TIP: If you’re drunk or horny enough, you might be unable to set such a standard.
  • Step 3: Make eye contact Make eye contact with each of your top three choices. Approach the first person who returns your gaze.
  • Step 4: Reassess as needed If you strike out with all three, reassess the remaining patrons.
  • Step 5: Pounce The minute someone looks back and smiles, approach her, strike up a conversation, and position your body so as to prevent anyone else from interacting with her.
  • TIP: Buy her a last-call drink to make sure those wheels are really greased.
  • Step 6: Gauge interest Gauge her interest. If it’s obvious she’s not interested in sex with a virtual stranger, move on quickly--time is running out.
  • Step 7: Be diplomatic but direct Make your intentions clear without being crude. A simple 'Hey, I’m not ready to call it a night--wanna go somewhere else?' should do the trick.
  • Step 8: Leave ASAP If she’s game, leave ASAP, before the lights come on and everything takes on a tacky patina.
  • Step 9: Don’t blow it If she’s flirty but hesitant, take her to a coffee shop and work your charms. But if she’s all over you, head straight to the closest apartment!
  • FACT: Seventy-four percent of women surveyed admit to having had casual sex.

You Will Need

  • A pick-up line
  • A place to score

Popular Categories