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How to Control Sexual Jealousy

With a little self-awareness, you can learn to tame your green-eyed monster.


  • Step 1: Realize jealousy is normal Realize that some jealousy in a relationship is perfectly normal. It only becomes destructive when it is an ongoing point of contention.
  • Step 2: Assess your relationship Figure out the driving force behind your jealousy. Are you afraid you might lose your partner to someone else? Or are you angry at being disrespected when they flirt with others?
  • Step 3: Figure out the real problem If fear of losing your partner is the problem, ask yourself if you're insecure because you have low self-esteem, or because you feel your partner is not as committed to the relationship as you are.
  • TIP: If your partner is a flirt, consider that this simply may be their nature. The tipoff? They flirt with everyone – young, old, skinny, fat, attractive, and homely.
  • Step 4: Work on yourself If low self-esteem is the problem, work on building yours by using self-help books or working with a therapist.
  • TIP: Try this visualization technique: The next time you're feeling jealous, therapists recommend conjuring up a pleasant scene in your mind or recall a happy memory.
  • Step 5: Reevaluate your relationship If you come to the conclusion that your anger and jealousy are well founded and rooted in your partner's disrespect and possible philandering, consider ending your relationship. You deserve a partner that makes you feel loved and treasured, not angry and mistrustful.
  • FACT: Thirty-one percent of people say they have felt hard-to-control jealousy in a relationship, according to one study.

You Will Need

  • An honest assessment of your relationship
  • The courage to change things
  • Visualization

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