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How to Attend a Kindergarten Graduation

It's great to celebrate accomplishments, but commemorating a year of finger-painting? Here's how to stay sane at a kindergarten graduation.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Get used to unison Kindergarten classes often do graduation song parodies or medleys in unison. If you've never been a monk, it may take a little while to get used to the chanting.
  • Step 2: Bring multiple recording devices Document everything. Use a digital still camera with video capabilities, as well as a digital video camera with still capabilities. Yes, it looks like a press conference--make like a reporter and elbow your way into getting the best shot.
  • Step 3: Caffeinate In child years, a graduation lasts 10 seconds. In adult years, that translates roughly to an eon. Bring enough espresso to share.
  • Step 4: Wear gloves You'll be applauding frequently. If you want to save your hands, invest in a pair of heavy-duty work gloves.
  • TIP: Consider a pair of wireless flesh-tone earbuds. We're just sayin’...
  • Step 5: Smile Your friends and family once sat through your preschool pageantry, and they did it with a smile. Follow their example and return the favor--show those pearly whites and be generous with the oohs and aahs.
  • Step 6: Develop strong legs Start doing quad blasters and hamstring stretches before the big day. Odds are, you'll be standing up or crouching down for most of the program--now is no time to pull a hammy.
  • Step 7: Invest in tissues Face it--the songs are cute, the kids are adorable, and they only graduate from kindergarten once. Have a tissue on hand; it’s okay to get a little teary, you big softie.
  • FACT: In Japan, kindergarten graduations are generally extensive ceremonies requiring formal dress.

You Will Need

  • Patience
  • Digital recording devices
  • Coffee
  • Gloves
  • Earbuds
  • A sense of humor
  • Tissues

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