- Step 1: Chest hair If you haven’t already been blessed with a hairy chest it is essential that you some how cultivate your very own. Even if you have modest growth you should look to enhance. Like money... the more you have the BETTER. While there are many hair growth products on the market, these are all specifically made for the head. If adapted properly this technology holds promise for future Man Moss development. For the meantime the only permanent option is hair transplants or 'hair plugs'. This procedure is painful not only during the implant stage but during the many months proceeding when donor hairs must be harvested from the pubic region
- TIP: In an emergency spray adhesive and dog hair clippings can provide a lush yet temporary Chest Rug.
- Step 2: Macho attire Your clothing should be simple yet effective. Decoratively stitched western wear shirts with pearl snaps (NO BUTTONS). Rugged stone washed denim jeans (tight in the right places). And Cockroach Killer pointed toe boots.When people see you walking down the street the women should sway and the men should be worried they’re in for an ass kickin’. Both should be wondering if the rodeo is in town.
- TIP: When selecting your new wardrobe think Bull-Rider with a dash of country cool.
- Step 3: Face fungus No matter what you call em, Side Burns or Mutton Chops these create the frame for your Macho Mona Lisa. You should start growing them along with your Moustache or Lip Tickler immediately.Your Moustache or Cookie Duster style is called a 'chevron' and is the single most important component of your transformation. Having this alone will elevate you to a status you never dreamed possible. Remember, with great moustache comes great responsibility. Use your new powers wisely.
- TIP: If an emergency and you do not have time to properly grow your Face Fungus see STEP 1.
- FACT: The real Burt Reynolds is of Cherokee descent.
- Step 4: Turquoise and Stetson You can pay homage to this Burt's Heritage by adding some Native American Flair. That means turquoise stone bracelets, turquoise stone belt buckles, and turquoise stone hat bands. General rule of thumb: If the material is strong enough to hold a turquoise then it should have a turquoise.Top it off with a 'Boss of the Plains' style Stetson Cowboy hat. When selecting you need to consider fashion but more importantly comfort. Your Redneck Crown comes off for one thing, and one thing only.
- : WARNING: Burt Reynolds is God’s gift to women, however, looking like him can be equally irresistible to mountain men!