How to Kiss like Angelina Jolie

A look at the technique that launched a thousand broken relationships.

You will need

  • Full
  • pillowy lips
  • No sense of boundaries

Step 1 Get collagen Get collagen lip injections—unless bee-stung lips come naturally to you.

Step 2 Find an inappropriate partner Find an inappropriate partner—someone’s husband, your brother, or, if you’re supposedly heterosexual, a woman.

Step 3 Hang on Hang on to your partner in a proprietary way during the kiss, as a warning to other women.

Step 4 Keep lips closed Keep your lips closed, unless you’re in a serious relationship—you know, like one that involves wearing your partner’s blood in a vial around your neck. In that case, go for tongue.

Step 5 Flash a sexy smile When the kiss ends, flash your lover a sexy smile that promises better things to come.