How to Drink like a Man

Spit out that wine spritzer and throw away your stemware. It's time to put some hair on your chest, hoss.

Instructions

  • : Don't drink unless you're of legal age. Drink responsibly, and never drink and drive.
  • Step 1: Pick a dive bar Choose a no-frills bar. It shouldn't have no velvet ropes and it shouldn't smell too good. Heck, it shouldn't even have no windows. You're there to drink, not to admire the scenery.
  • Step 2: Order something brown Belly up to the bar and order something brown. Beer, whiskey, scotch, bourbon, and rye are what real men drink. For a little variety, try a macho cocktail, like a dirty martini, but for Pete's sake, make sure it don't involve fruit juice.
  • TIP: Never, ever order a drink that's named after a sexual innuendo. Men got no business pounding back a "sex on the beach" or a "slippery nipple."
  • Step 3: Order it strong A man's drink should sting a little going down. Order your liquor straight up – no ice, served at room temperature. Stay away from light beer and, if you're getting a cocktail, tell the bartender to make it strong.
  • Step 4: Know your stuff Know your stuff. Learn the difference between blended scotch and single malt, and always ask for a specific brand of liquor.
  • TIP: If, heaven forbid, your drink comes garnished with a fruit peel or an umbrella, flick it away like the trifle it is.
  • Step 5: Knock it back Grip your glass or beer bottle firmly and knock it back. When you've finished, slam it down on the bar with authority and order another.
  • Step 6: Settle on a drink Keep drinking until you find the drink that suits you best. There ain't nothin' manlier than telling the bartender, "I'll have the usual."
  • FACT: Frank Sinatra, one of the manliest men of all time, once said, "Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the Bible says love your enemy."

You Will Need

  • Testosterone
  • A dive bar
  • A knowledge of liquor

Popular Categories