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How to Lose a Guy in 10 Texts

You've met the perfect guy. You know he's the one. Now here's a surefire way to let your text-happy enthusiasm get the best of you both.

Instructions

  • Step 1: Analyze texts It's the day after your awesome date, and he just sent you a text. Immediately forward it to every member of your inner circle, and urgently demand their feedback.
  • TIP: Take at least five hours to agonize over your response. Every five minutes, solicit the same friends for advice.
  • Step 2: Kick your text speak up a notch Kick your text-speak up a notch. Use your standard OMG's and LOL's, but add a twist and keep him on his toes with lots of long, confusing abbreviations.
  • Step 3: Use sarcasm Show off your sense of humor by using sarcasm. Some say it doesn't translate well into text form, but they're not the ones with a dude wrapped around their little finger, are they?
  • Step 4: Bare your soul Bare your soul. Text him all of your uncensored thoughts, problems, and opinions in detail, and don't worry about a character limit.
  • Step 5: Know where you stand It may be early in the relationship, but it's high time for you to know where you stand.
  • Step 6: Point out character flaws You're ready for the next step of intimacy: pointing out his character flaws. If you don't help him change, who will?
  • TIP: Every day, send several brief texts about his personal failings. Sandwich them in between compliments.
  • Step 7: React quickly He may be the love of your life, but he hasn't texted you back in four hours. Let's face it -- he's probably messing around with that girl down the hall. Let him know you won't stand for this kind of treatment and you'll have the upper hand in no time.
  • Step 8: Send pictures of your pets Guys love it when you send them lengthy videos of your pets. Bonus points if they're dressed up in costumes.
  • TIP: Yes, stuffed animals qualify as pets.
  • Step 9: Text him constantly Things can start to get a little dull after the three-date mark. Keep the magic alive by showering him with affection in the form of constant texts.
  • Step 10: Make yourself available Show him how much you care by making yourself available. Prove that you're up for anything, anytime, anywhere, even if you're not specifically invited.
  • Step 11: Congratulations Good work! You’ve successfully sabotaged this fledgling relationship -- who’s next?
  • FACT: "Flirxting" is flirting through texting.

You Will Need

  • A cell phone
  • Mr. Right
  • A tendency to take things a little too far

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