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How to Knit a Joke Condom

Give this warm, fuzzy present to a special someone. Just make sure they know it's not a substitute for the real thing!


  • Step 1: Cast on Cast on 12 stitches onto one needle. Divide the stitches evenly onto four other needles by sliding off three stitches onto each of the other three needles; do not twist the stitches. Lay the needles to form a square.
  • Step 2: Begin Take the fifth needle and knit tightly on the first needle, containing the working yarn, with the right side of the work facing you.
  • TIP: Mark the last stitch on the fourth needle with a safety pin to know when you've completed a round.
  • Step 3: Knit three stitches Knit the three stitches tightly onto the fifth needle, leaving the first needle empty. Use that needle to knit the stitches of the second needle, and repeat until you have completed one round.
  • TIP: Four needles can get confusing, so focus on the two needles you're working with, and let the others dangle as they may.
  • Step 4: Move marker Move the marker to the right needle after each round. Knit 29 rows or rounds.
  • Step 5: Decrease To form the tip, decrease by two stitches, either by knitting two together or by slipping stitches, and knit one more row. Decrease by three stitches and knit one row. Then decrease by three stitches again and knit the remaining four stitches for three or four rows.
  • Step 6: Cast off Cast off, trim the ends, and work them into a few stitches to secure.
  • FACT: The first knitting machine, invented in England in 1589, was refused a patent by Queen Elizabeth on the grounds that it would reduce the work of hand knitters.

You Will Need

  • 5 size 8 double-pointed needles
  • Thin angora yarn
  • Safety pin (optional)

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